Dear Fear, I want to know you better. I know that you are part of me. Sometimes I do not notice you for days. And sometimes you grow so big, that I cannot see anything behind you. You come with an intention to protect, but your power to paralyze seems to be stronger. I used to feel numb when we met, I stopped, you won.
Lately, I have been trying a new approach. When I feel you close, I focus on my breath. I know that you live in my body, so I start looking for you. At first it is hard to tell where you are. I have found you in my stomach before, and deep in my chest, and once you were even stuck in my throat. I like to look for you though. Because once I find you – I can see you better, and I can hear you sharper.
I know that often you get an invitation to come, and that invitation comes from something we call a trigger. A trigger can take different forms – my thoughts, my experiences, my perceptions or even someone else’s words. When I find you, I am interested to know who invited you. Would you tell me?
The trigger who invited you wanted to help me, at least he or she really thought they were helping. And you, Fear, you were so kind to accept the invitation and come. I know that you have a good intention. Thank you for stepping up for me. And since you are already here, let’s work together. Can I lean into you, Fear? I will step into vulnerability. I will step onto the arena, I want tobe seen. I may not feel comfortable. But I will take a deep breath and remind myself that I am enough just as I already am.
I will think of Brené Brown’s words: “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity.”
Fear, I know that we will meet again. But the next time we meet, may you give me the benefit of the doubt? And I promise I will hear you out. I am a Psychologist and a Knowledge Designer by training, who has been working with families and little ones for 13 years. I am taking all of the academic and real-world experience, the passion for parenting and the love for moms and dads and adding it all to the Doula craft. I am ready to learn diligently, stepping on this path with an open mind and an open heart, while feeling supported on the way. Today, I dive into this new world which is so tender and so powerful.